Gay parents worried about foster child

Date: 01 Jun 2003 18:54:32 GMT
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Gay parents worried about foster child
Men concerned sexuality may be factor in ruling to return boy to home
By Kymberli Hagelberg
Beacon Journal staff writer
PERRY TWP. - Two men sit stiff-backed on a down-filled, rose-colored sofa
passing photographs to a visitor.
In one image, a smiling infant is perched against a seaside backdrop, looking
as if he's about to topple into make-believe sand.
Another photo shows the boy standing near a sofa in the same spotless living
room. He's grinning and eyeing a collection of glass angels, dolls and plates
shown off in a large oak cabinet.
``We worked our butts off to get this kid to where he needed to be,'' Jerry
Simler, 54, says of the child he and his 37-year-old partner, Jim Carrington,
have cared for.
When the men became foster parents in May 2002, the 17-month-old boy's eyes
were crossed and he could neither walk nor crawl, according to Stark County
Family Court documents.
Two weeks ago, Family Judge David E. Stucki returned the toddler -- who friends
and relatives say thrived in foster care -- to his biological parents. Stucki
has set a hearing for 9 a.m. Thursday for continuing arguments on the boy's
custody.
Simler and Carrington, who are seeking custody, worry that the child's progress
will stall in a home that county caseworkers have described as violent
andneglectful. And they are concerned because Stucki previously has opposed gay
parents.
The judge said last week that sexuality alone was not enough to remove a child
from the foster home.
Simler and Carrington say they became foster parents only so the boy would be
cared for by relatives. They say they understood that the goal of the agency
was eventually to return the child to his mother and father.
``She's my cousin,'' Simler said of the child's mother. ``I love her and would
never want to hurt her, but that baby doesn't belong there right now.''
``We were told they had not made enough progress to earn unsupervised overnight
visits with the baby,'' Carrington said. ``Then all of a sudden the judge sends
the baby back to them.''
The Akron Beacon Journal is not using the names of the parents to protect the
identity of the child. Neither parent returned calls for comment last week.
Bad environment
A complaint the Stark County Department of Job and Family Services filed in
April 2002 described a contentious relationship between the parents and a
neglectful and potentially abusive home life.
The father, who has lost custody of another son, has a criminal record
involving weapons and solicitations.
A caseworker who interviewed the mother at a domestic violence shelter reported
that ``domestic violence is ongoing between the parents and that the child has
witnessed the violence. Mother further reports that father `knocks her into
reality. (He) puts his hands around my neck until I stop crying.' ''
The mother also said the father rarely fed or changed the baby when she was
away, sometimes for as long as eight hours.
According to the report, the father once fed the boy scalding food. Instead of
taking the baby to the doctor, the mother ``fed the child cold milk for several
days.''
Based on the report, Stark Family Judge John R. Hoffman ruled the child had
been neglected and awarded temporary custody to the county. Court documents
show the parents were ordered to receive mental health and parenting counseling
before they could regain custody.
Ohio law allows child welfare agencies to seek temporary custody of a child for
up to 12 months. After a year, a court must rule whether the child will go
home, or be placed for adoption. A judge can grant two six-month extensions
before a final decision is made. Judges are not bound by the recommendation of
a child service agency.
Child welfare officials in Stark County declined to say last week whether
caseworkers opposed Stucki's decision to return the child to his parents. The
agency also would not say if the couple had completed the court-ordered
counseling.
John McCall, deputy director of the children's services division in Stark, said
he would not answer even general questions about the agency's practices without
the OK of lawyers. No one from the legal department returned calls last week.
Simler and Carrington say that, under their care, the child, now 2 ½, had
progressed beyond their expectations.
The boy laughed and smiled often, learned to call each man by name and had
mastered difficult words.
``You should hear him say refrigerator, clear as anything,'' Simler bragged.
Carrington added that the boy now walks and jumps without trouble. Surgery last
year corrected the congenital vision problem.
``I've been around babies all my life and I was appalled at what I saw when he
came to us,'' Carrington said. ``He couldn't sit on his own, and he never
fussed. He just accepted whatever came his way.''
Marlene Binns and Alice Simler cared for the boy when their sons worked
weekends for a local caterer.
``When he first came, that baby would just sit and stare at you,'' said Binns,
Carrington's mother. ``I used to lay beside him while he slept and just cry all
night.
``But his brain was so perfect inside that frail little body and his eyes would
try to focus on you. Every time he came over there would be some small
improvement. He'd have a new song and we'd stand him up against the wall so his
legs could get used to the weight of his body.''
Not in plans
Neither man planned to become a parent.
``But they did their homework,'' Binns said. ``They have more than an ability,
they've both fallen in love with the boy. Anyone can see how far he has come
with them.''
Simler and Carrington said they made no secret of their relationship. Their
foster care application classifies them as an ``unmarried couple.'' They said a
caseworker told them that being gay would not prevent them from caring for the
boy.
In March, the mother filed a motion asking that the child be returned. Last
month, Judge Stucki sent him home.
The judge has a history of publicly questioning the suitability of homosexuals
as caregivers.
In 1998, two lesbian foster parents sued Stucki for defamation over comments he
allegedly made about them.
Although Stucki wasn't assigned to their case, he ordered the county to divulge
whether any of his cases involved gays or lesbians. He also ordered that the
DJFS advise him if any future foster parents were gay.
In 2000, a visiting judge dismissed the suit.
On Friday, Stucki said being gay was not a litmus test for foster parents.
``The court makes a case-by-case determination if a placement is appropriate
for a child. The issue of whether or not a couple is gay was never involved in
(Simler's and Carrington's) case and is not a fatal flaw,'' Stucki said. ``It
may be a factor, but there are a lot of factors. There is no particular
standing order that disqualifies or qualifies a parent.''
The local gay community has embraced Simler and Carrington. So far, groups have
donated $500 for anticipated legal expenses. A benefit dinner will be held
tonight at 5 p.m. at the Akron Pride Center.
Both men feel the burden of being examples to any group and are wary of going
public.
Carrington said that a DJFS department head told him that granting interviews
would kill their chances to get the boy back.
``I don't care. I just know he shouldn't be where he is now,'' Carrington said.
``I look at it this way: If that little boy is placed with a caring, safe,
nurturing home, justice is partially done.
``If we're discriminated against because we talked, or because we're gay, I've
had a lifetime of that.''