Re: Aspiring Christian Songwriter needing critique

Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2003 23:16:45 -0000
Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.songwriting
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"Vixoye" <email-address-deleted> wrote in message
news:email-address-deleted...
> I am a aspiring Christian Songwriter and I would like a critique of what I
have
> written so far. What I have posted below is section (the first verse) of
a
> song that I have already written. All feedback is appreciated. Do I have
what
> it takes? Need more practice? Thanks. Heather
>
>
> When the light pierce(s) the darkness
> The Path is made clear
> I am in you
> So in whom (s)hall I fear.
> There is a time for war
> And a time for peace.
> But I will pray and never cease
I'm sure you have it in you, everyone does they just need to make contact
with it and explore their potential.
I've made a couple of amendments to your lyric that I think were just typos.
As regards the content, I'm not a particularly ardent christian (at all) but
I appreciate the part that religion plays in people's lives. Having said
that, I'm confused by your sentiments. 'I am in you, so in whom shall I
fear' seems a little perplexing as it seems to me to reverse the positions
of the spirit and the mortal over two lines. If it's - say- the Holy Spirit
then I wouldn't think that inhabiting a mortal would make any difference to
whether it fears anything or not. It would seem to make more sense to read
'I am in you, so in whom would you fear?'. I also have a problem with which
deity would actually condone any war regardless of the timeframe in the
'There is a time for war' line.
Just my thoughts. I was left confused.