Re: Aspiring Christian Songwriter needing critique

Date: Sat, 15 Mar 2003 12:54:25 -0700
Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.songwriting
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>> I am a aspiring Christian Songwriter and I would like a critique of what
>> I
> have
>> written so far. What I have posted below is section (the first verse) of
> a
>> song that I have already written. All feedback is appreciated. Do I have
> what
>> it takes? Need more practice? Thanks. Heather
>>
>> When the light pierce the darkness
>> The Path is made clear
>> I am in you
>> So in whom hall I fear.
>> There is a time for war
>> And a time for peace.
>> But I will pray and never cease
I see inconsistent pronoun use (who is "I"?), and a conjured pseudo-English
phrase just to make a rhyme ("so in whom hall I fear"), and ... stepping
back from it now ... no _message._ "What are you saying to me in this two
minutes of my valuable time? What are you giving me to take with me when
the song is done?"
Write the lyric one hundred times. /Before/ you attempt to make it rhyme.
/Before/ you attempt to set a tune. I think that a song particularly in
this genre should be: (1) a message, (2) set to rhyme, (3) set to music.
You are still on (1) and that's okay.
This genre is also extremely prone to stereotypes and metaphors. "The
Path," "a time for <this>, a time for <that>", "light pierces the
darkness." These _will_ come out in your initial writing but they need to
disappear in your editing.
I've never written anything worth a damn (or a blessing) without an un-godly
amount of ruthless editing. When you hear a song or read a piece of
writing you perceive /only/ the final edited version. The work that went
into it is not visible.
When you /start/ writing, you usually "really don't know" what you are
aiming at. The act of writing is part of the process of developing a clear
view of what that "target" should be. But then, most of the writing that
goes into that "target development" is or should be throw-away writing.
Interspersed /through/ that stuff will be a /few/ gems worth keeping.
Those must be plucked out, polished, and set into an attractive setting. A
lot of hard work. Aspirants dream of watching something lovely popping up
fully-formed, like Venus out of the foam of the sea, but ... ask _any_
creative writer (of songs, of books, of ad copy, or even of a computer
program) and they will afirm that it *doesn't* happen that way.
Vioxye, I hope I have not discouraged you. Indeed if you /have/ been given
a Song, or the thirst to write them for Him, you must become a craftsperson
... for Him. As I've been told, "Jesus was a skilled craftsman Himself."