Re: New lyric: Undertow (Refuge in our kissin)

Date: Wed, 16 Apr 2003 19:51:37 +0100
Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.songwriting
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"Carl Joensson" <email-address-deleted> wrote in message
news:email-address-deleted...
> email-address-deleted (TracyLOZ) wrote in message
news:<email-address-deleted>...
> > Hi Carl....I think this lyric reads a bit like a diary entry, which can
> > sometimes exclude your audience because they want it to relate to THEM
in some
> > way.
> > Now as nice as the Lanzarote sun and the black volcanic rocks etc
> > sound....reading this made me only too aware that it was your personal
> > experience...not mine, and that made me feel a bit like a voyeur instead
of a
> > participant in this fantasy.
> > Tracy
> > http://www.desertrosemusic.com/
> > http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/tracylundgrenmusic.htm
>
>
> Hi again Tracy,
>
> And while you're actually looking at my lyric, forgive a swede for
> asking. Is it allright to say "I took delight in you"?
>
> I understand if the verses might seem personal, but couldn't the
> chorus be quite universal, eg to be in a relationship but finding that
> something is missing.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Carl
>
>
>
>
>
> Here's a repost.
>
> =========================================
> Undertow (Refuge in our kissing)
> (©2003 Carl Joensson)
>
> We fled from winter darkness and the cold
> to Lanzarote sun where we were told
> the waves we bathed in hid an undertow
> and it pulled me down below
>
> We got the cheapest rental car around
> to ride across the black volcanic ground
> I tried to read the map you took the wheel
> and we so wanted to feel. blessed and happy
>
> CHORUS
> I'm not to say there wasn't laughters 'long the way
> but there was often something missing
> I pushed away the doubts and each and every day
> I took my refuge in our kissing
> Yes, I took refuge in our kissing
>
> The hotel and the swimmingpool were great
> I took delight in you but found out late
> The love we lived in hid an undertow
> and it pulled me down below
>
> CHORUS
> I'm not to say there wasn't laughters anyway
> but there was often something missing
> I pushed away the doubts and each and every day
> I took my refuge in our kissing
> Yes, I took refuge in our kissing
>
> BRIDGE
> Though it was warm we couldn't get it hot enough
> and so we had a row on our last night
> In the morning we broke up and then ahead
> was the long and lonesome flight . lost and sorry
>
> CHORUS
> I wish I could have let the laughters lead our way
> but there was often something missing
> I tried to push away the doubts and every day
> I took my refuge in our kissing
> Yes, I took refuge in our kissing
When I have a new computer program to write or device to build I try to move
from the specific to the general. If it is for a dance company, why not any
dance company? Why not any company running events?
The same principle applies to experiences, try to go from the specific to
the general, to like experiences that others have shared.
Most beaches have undertows - it does not have to be Lanzarotte. Most
couples drive around together, it does not have to be over volcanic rock,
unless you want to exploit the image of heat or dangers beneath, or the
eruption that put it there. "Once firestorms exploding, now a blackened
waste", sort of thing. There is also the losing our way image. The way you use undertow in the first verse makes it seem like a physical
event. I would try and use some of the ideas of being knocked off your feet,
pulled down, near drowning as physical descriptions of an undertow, then
exploit those feelings in loves undertow.
"undertow" and "refuge in our kissing" are two good ideas, it is a good
start, keep working at it.
as for "took delight in you" , or any other phrase, if it does something for
you, then use it. Songwriting is about invention. As for that phrase in
particular, fling it into a search engine in its quotes. I found the phrase
in religious poems and sermons.
David F. Cox