Re: Critique: Second Sight

Date: 15 Mar 2003 19:03:08 GMT
Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.songwriting
Size: 2,748 bytes

Martin,
Two for the price of one:
Vicky thought it was great and was singing along by the end of the second
chorus, and thought i was being a cheapskate for the comments I made, lolol
Which are:
Who is that singing... TELL me it's not you, lolol... Fantastic voice,
fantastic!
The production values are excellent throughout. The verse melody and
performance are ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING imo... in fact very much better than the
rest which for me is just so-so.
I found the intro and break stylistically different from the verses, almost
like segueing into a different piece when V1 kicks in. Spanish guitar
fantastic, didn't like the duel between that and the steel band effect towards
the end where it's a bit of a club-med mish mash for me. Where the hell are we,
mine's a tequila sunrise, lolol ?
Now a question for you... I'm certain you can't have produced something as good
as this without knowing the lyrics are full of cliches, end to end at some
point. This isn't my type of music, so these are genuine questions, not me
being facetious... have you done that on purpose and do you think it's a plus
point in terms of pitching? Examples are 'you stole my heart' / 'tear my world
apart' / 'love me till the morning light' etc all coming very close together.
If you did include them on purpose, I think you've overcooked it. the lyric
didn't engage me emotionally at all, other than to wonder what on earth the
chorus meant.
It's the second sight concept... nothing else picks that up to tell me where to
run with it, it's just a cool phrase and it's just THERE. Maybe that's enough
down the disco, I don't know.
Anyway, what do i know? lol... in my area (country) I know that many of the top
female artists have cut wall-to-wall cliche songs in the last two years. in
particular, there's a Jo Dee Messina album cut (maybe even one of the singles
in fact) which looks like the result of a 'how many cliches can you cram in a
mini' competition.
You've obviously spent a lot of effort and money on this demo already and it
certainly won't disgrace you to pitch it as is. It certainly wouldn't hurt to
get some real industry feedback before you spend more. Very good luck with it
if you decide to do that. If it hits the wall, or if you really are open to
changes at this stage, I would say work on the lyrics and try to say something
more original that people can really connect with -- blue pencil through some
of those cliches and you've got plenty of room to add value to the lyric -- and
tie the title into the theme more. Then anyone who manages to hear the words
over the noise of the bar will be happy too ;-)
Oh yes, and by the third listen, I was singing along too, lol
Cheers
Paul
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